


Dick's Story

by Zakuya_Kanbara



Series: Earth 25 Background Stories [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Justice League - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Titans (Comics)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Birdflash - Freeform, Depression, Gotham Orphanage, Kinda, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Original Character(s), Suicide Attempt, Temporary Character Death, batfam, dealing with depression, feels trip, selina kyle is a good mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23817313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zakuya_Kanbara/pseuds/Zakuya_Kanbara
Summary: Dick explains his life, and how it almost ended.Almost, being the keyword.-A small look into the life of one Richard Grayson-Wayne
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Wally West
Series: Earth 25 Background Stories [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1688626
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	Dick's Story

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> I am so sorry that this took so long to come out. I wanted to do it right and to do that I had to take my time on it.
> 
> Hope that the wait was worth it, cause here we go, the first part of the Earth 25 Background Stories Series. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this part and are excited for ones to come!
> 
> Trigger Warning: Mentions of Depression and Mentions of a Suicide attempt.

It’s interesting, to say the least, making something like this. Like don’t get me wrong, I think that it is a great idea, so people have a better incite as to how we are different from other versions of ourselves from other Earths’. It just feels a bit weird talking about my life story when for the grand majority of it has been full of heartbreak. 

I’m not trying to be a major downer, as Jason would say, or anything like that, but it is true. A lot of the people that have meant everything to me in my life, have left me or have gotten badly hurt. That’s something that doesn’t leave you so easily, I know that I am still coping about things that have happened with my parents, Jay, Babs… Wally.

I’m the first one doing this, and I don’t actually know if I want that kind of responsibility on my shoulders. Being the first one to talk about their life in a way that is so open. 

I’ll start with the easy stuff, I guess. My name is Richard Grayson-Wayne, but everyone calls me Dick and I’m twenty-four years young. Like all my brothers, I have black hair. I’ve been told by multiple people that my eyes are like Sapphires, so I take that as a compliment cause I really like that gem. It’s also one of the two gems that is on my wedding ring, it sits right next to a ruby. My skin is tan and that’s cause of my Gypsy background. 

Yes, I will come right out and say it, I am Romanian, a Gypsy. When I was younger, I liked the term Gypsy, it wasn’t offensive or used as a derogatory term towards me. No, that didn’t start happening until I started to live with Bruce and Selina, or my new Dad and Mom, as they are called now. 

People would look at me and think that I couldn’t hear or understand them when they would talk about me. I would hear things like, charity case, Gypsy trash, publicity stunt, etc. Really, anything that you could guess, I was called. That does a lot to the mind of a six-year-old who just lost their parents in something that was not an accident. 

The saddest part is that at that moment it was only the start of the decline of my mental health. 

I don’t want to talk about only the bad things that I have gone through, but they are a major part of my life and why I am the way that I am today. As fucked up as that is. 

I will say that one good thing that happened was when I was in the Gotham Orphanage, I met my person. Not many people can say that they met the person that they knew they were going to spend the rest of their lives with at such a young age, or at such a strange place at that. Nevertheless, at six years old, fresh into life in the orphanage, I met Wally. 

I was already there for about a week I think, the concept of time was lost to me at this time in my life, when he showed up. From what I can remember he did not look good, he had bruises and cuts littering his face and probably had more under his clothes. What was strange to me at the time was how fast they all healed, but I did not think too much about it. 

I’m sure that Wally is going to talk about how we ended up meeting again after he left the orphanage, so I am just going to leave that to him and talk about some other things, but don’t worry, ever since Wally entered my life he has practically been there for every major moment after. Both the good and the bad, sometimes even being the cause of the bad ones, but not on purpose. 

The first major moment that happened that I should talk about, but am not going to, was when I was adopted. Sure, it is a big and important moment in my life, it gave me the family that I have today, but I think starting with something good like that would only be overshadowed by all the bad that was to come after. I could even say that the first was when my parents died, sure that was a major moment, but that is not actually where I believe my mental health took a big hit.

No, I think that the first worst moments of my life, that started the slow decline of my mental health, was when my little brother Jason was taken and almost killed by the Joker.

I know this might seem that I am jumping a bit in the timeline of events that is my life, but I think starting with this is as good a way as any to begin the story of the downward spiral that is my fucked-up life. 

It’s mostly the same story as it is on any Earth. It was Batman and Robin trying to take care of an Arkham break out when Robin was separated from him. He didn’t know where he was and was becoming frantic, especially when he found out that it was all the Jokers doing. 

The difference with this Earth and other Earths’ is that Batman did not go out on his own to try to find him.

He did not play the “I am Batman, I don’t need help” card. This was a full-on League mission. 

Any one on a younger team was not allowed out, because this was the Joker, we did not need any of the younger heroes getting in over their heads thinking that they could take him on. To say that Jason’s team was not angry at this news would be an understatement, they were livid, but accepted it in the end, begrudgingly.

Most Leaguers split off into teams of two, my team split up into two groups. I was with Wally and Kara, while Roy, Garth and Donna were in another group together. 

With this being the Joker that we were dealing with, we knew that we were on a time limit, every second mattered and every second wasted was another shovel full of dirt digging a grave.

I, to put it lightly, was not doing so good. My mind was not the clearest and I was not able to work as efficiently as I would have liked to. There was just too much at stake, my brother’s life was at stake. If I was to fail, if all of us were to fail, then that would be it. 

Kara was not acting like me; she kept her head clear and her ears open. 

It was in one frustrating moment where we ended up in another dead end that I was about to lose it that she strained her hearing and then took off flying. Wally, being the more levelheaded one of the two of us, in that moment, grabbed me and then made a break for Kara, following her. 

We ended up in a snowy area, and in the distance, I could see a small looking warehouse. When we saw Kara ram a wall and then burst out of the celling flying higher and higher Wally came to a stop and dropped me. We saw that, at one point in her flight, something that she was carrying exploded. We both looked at each other and then made our way into the warehouse and there I saw him. 

Robin.

My brother.

Beaten.

Broken.

Bruised.

Alive.

When we got to him, he seemed just as ecstatic to see me as I was to see him. He used his last bit of strength to cling to me for a bit as he cried his eyes out. I didn’t mind, cause that is exactly where I wanted him, safe in my arms. Nothing was spoken by anyone in the room, Wally was silently dressing Jay’s injuries during all of this. 

It wasn’t until he finally gave into his injuries and passed out that Wally picked him up in his arms and made his way to Gotham. He knew exactly which hospital to go to and which doctor to get to take care of Jay.

When he left with Jay, I was still on the ground. In the same position that I was in when Jay threw himself into my arms. Kara came up behind me and brought me into a hug and in that moment the gravity of the situation hit me, and I broke.

Jay ended up being in a coma for almost two months because of all the injuries that he ended up getting. 

During his stay at the hospital, I was a mess, but Wally never left my side. 

We were both seventeen at the time of all this happening and when you think about it, most seventeen-year old’s are worried about other things. What university do they want to apply to, what do they think that they want to end up doing with their lives, who the fuck they are going to fucking ask to the junior prom. But nope, not once did he ever complain. Not once did he say that he had somewhere else to be. Not once did he let me fall into the pit of despair that had started to dig itself into my mind.

It was a blessing when Jay woke up, and yes, I do have the audacity to call it that. 

The joy of him being awake only lasted so long though, which brings me to major moment number two, Barbara getting shot.

I don’t know how the Joker found out that Robin hadn’t died that night at the warehouse, but he did, and he did not like that his plan was messed with.

Joker knew that Batman worked with the commissioner a lot, so his reasoning was that if he were to hurt the commissioner then he would be indirectly hurting Batman. 

But this is the Joker we are talking about, he would not just hurt Jim by hurting Jim, he was going to hurt someone close to him. Which is how when Barbara answered the door one day, when she was visiting her dad from university, she was shot point blank. 

She became paralyzed from the waist down. Dad became a mess, cause of course he saw this as his fault, but then Jason also blamed himself saying that if he had just died that night then this would not of happen to her.

Mom took care of that kind of thinking right away. 

Then there was how I reacted and hearing about this destroyed me. I remember thinking at one point that anyone that got close to me would get hurt. My parents, Jason, and now Barbra. I was the one that brought Babs into this life, this work. I was beginning to be consumed by my own thoughts.

It was like I was falling into a bottomless ocean and would never see the light of day again, but I never fell in to deep, because Wally was there with me, to be with me and make sure that I stayed above water. 

I’m not actually sure how he does it, but any time that I am about to fall into a depressed state, he is always there to make sure that it doesn’t happen. He is my light; he is what keeps me grounded into a sense of reality and doesn’t let me retreat to deep into my mind. For a long time, I always had the thought that if I was ever to fall, I would always have Wally catch me. 

And then it happened when I was nineteen. The one thing that I though could never happen. The one thing that I though whatever higher up being is up there would spare me the pain of. 

Major life moment number three: Wally went into the speed force and left me.

Anytime that I try to remember that day, it’s hard. It’s like my subconscious ties to stop me from thinking of something that is only going to cause me pain. That doesn’t mean that I don’t remember some things. 

I remember Kara holding me back. I remember Wally walking through the portal. I remember the break down that I had in Kara and Roy’s arms, while Donna and Garth just stood back not knowing what to say or do. I remember not being able to look Iris or Eliza in the eyes after it all happened.

But that was all bits and pieces of what ended up happening.

What I remember clearly is when I went home that night, not to the apartment that Wally and I shared in Central, but to the manor. I was not about to go to that apartment and put myself in a place where I would see his ghost. 

The League was on a mission, so Barry had no idea what happened to his son and Dad was not there. Mom was at Wayne Enterprises that night like she always was when Dad was with the League. At home it was just my brothers. 

They were all just sitting around the tv watching Netflix, it was one of those nights that they did not have to patrol. I believe that they were watching some anime. The ironic part, when I think about it now, is that the anime they were watching was Anohana. Jason really likes watching anime, while Tim and Dami are both closeted anime nerd that have a hard time admitting it. 

The looks that they gave me when they looked my way is something that I am never going to forget. When they turned around and saw me, at first, they were confused, but then Jason reacted first. I guess my face just gave away that something really bad had happened. He was up and off the couch starting to make his way towards me slowly, like if he were to approach me too fast, I would run away. Tim and Damian took his lead but stayed behind him, not exactly sure what was happening. 

I could hear Jason saying my name, calling out to me, asking me what was wrong. At this point I was leaning against the doorway not knowing if I was capable of supporting my own body weight, really just not trusting myself to be able to. I was hyperventilating, forgetting how to be able to breath. 

I can remember just saying that he was gone and then collapsing on the floor. I could see my brothers running up to me with my blurry vision before everything went to black.

When I woke up, I was in a bed, it took me a moment to realize that it was my bed in my room at the manor. Mom was at my bedside, with a comforting hand in my hair, it was soothing, it made me forget everything… for a moment.

Apparently after I hit the ground and they brought me to my room, my brothers called my team. They told them what happened, they immediately understood. 

During everything bad that had happened in my life I always had him. When my parents died, he was the first person that I met at the orphanage and became my friend right after. When Jason and Barbara got hurt, he was there for me to make sure that my thoughts did not eat me alive, wouldn’t go too far into my own head. 

What was I supposed to do without him?

My thoughts started to attack me, telling me how this was all my fault. Telling me that I was a screw up, a fuck up, so many bad things that I hadn’t thought of myself in years. They all just hit me at once and it became too much.

I couldn’t handle it anymore at that point. It had been a month since Wally went into the speed force and I was losing myself.

I couldn’t handle it anymore. 

My depression.

My thoughts.

My feelings.

They all became too much.

I couldn’t handle it anymore.

I wanted to die at this point in my life. 

I almost did die.

I was so close.

But I was stopped

But I wasn’t able to do the unthinkable, because my family would not let me.

If I was to say that I was mad at them when they stopped me, that would be a flat out lie. I was furious at them. 

I couldn’t believe that they couldn’t understand, that this was something that I had to do so that all of the pain could stop, so that all of these thoughts that I was having could stop.

Looking back on that day now, I’m so fucking glad that they stopped me. 

I’m glad that I did not succeed. 

I’m glad that they saved me. 

If it wasn’t for them, then I most likely wouldn’t be here today. I wouldn’t have been here the day when we finally got Wally out of the speed force. I wouldn’t have been able to see his face when he finally came back to himself after being trapped for so long. I wouldn’t have gotten married with the love of my life. I wouldn’t have adopted the children that I have today and be raising them with such an amazing man.

My life would have been no more.

Over. 

The end.

If that was to happen, then I truly would have died not only in body, but also in spirit. Not knowing what it was like to be held in his strong arms one more time.

My life is one that is built on tragedies, that is just the foundation that it was given since a young age. The battle that I face every day with my depression is one of the supporting columns that make up who I am. The thing is though, that just because that is how it has all been like up to that point, that my history had taken a certain path, did not mean that it was only going to be that.

If I still had that mentality, then I probably would not have half the people in my life that make me the person that I am today. That make me a better person. That make me a happier person. That make me a person that believes that they are deserving of love and willing to give it so openly.

Do I still have bad days? Of course I do, I’m only human, but it’s okay. 

I have my families support.

I have my friends’ kindness.

I have my Wally’s love.

And that is enough to get me through any dark time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this part!!!!!!!
> 
> Again I am so sorry this took a while to come out. I wanted to write it in a way that will give an explanation for the next part that I am writing in the Earth 25 Stories Series, but not give everything away. Yes my dears that is what I am going to be working on next and I am sorry for all the angst that is going to be coming your way, but do not fear for there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We just have to ride the angst train a little bit longer.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Please leave a honest review, tell me what you thought and where I can improve, and leave a Kudos if you want to. AND if you enjoy this part make sure to bookmark or follow this series to be notified when knew parts are added.
> 
> Until next time lovelies!!! <3


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